Before the terms "High Value Men" or "select males" or "MGTOW" or "Red Pill," there was Dexter Style, author of these relationship guidelines for men who want to be men and the women who love them!
“I wrote this book because my girlfriend said I should teach a course on how to satisfy a woman! I accept the possibility that those words may have been your standard boost-your-man's-ego-in-bed pillow talk that every man (hopefully) hears at some point. However, being the literalist I am, I took her suggestion to heart and asked her to explain why she thought it would be a good idea...”
— Dexter Style
• (1) a personal philosophy and belief system about relationships and sexuality,
• (2) a concept of masculinity and femininity that works for me and my girlfriends,
• (3) my personal compatibility and selection standards that keep me happy and get me the women I want,
• (4) behavioral guidelines for my relationship that keep me guilt-free and living true to my self,
• (5) private sex practices that keep me young, strong and virile, and make my girlfriends say the things they do,
• (6) my positions on monogamy, marriage, gender roles, porn, kinks, fetishes, and biological wiring that allow me the freedom to love others honestly and, most importantly, to love true to my self! And all of this, is supported by:
• (7) input and feedback from the women I date, through their actual conversations, interviews, emails and letters!
Who am I?
Because we operate from a self-concept that is either incorrect or incomplete, and thus cannot live true to the self if we do not understand who that self is. What is love?
Because we do not understand the basis of attraction and strive for ideals that may be impractical, or non-existent. Why do I love?
Because we structure or allow others to structure our relationships in ways that contradict what we really want. Whom do I love?
Because we choose partners with whom we are fundamentally incompatible. How do I love?
Because we engage in relationships and intercourse in ways that limit our pleasure When do I love?
Because we interact for durations of time that undermine our happiness. Where do I love?
Because we reside and remain in locations and environments that do not support our wiring or the fulfillment of our desires.
“This book has some nice ideas about the author's notion of masculinity in a Western culture either dominated by feminity or more accurately dominated by women acting masculine. But it has some flaws. The author makes clear from the start that the ideas contained are his alone and do not need to be justified, then spends much of the book justifying them. He also has a couple of obsessions that get annoying. For one, apparently small, well proportioned feet are a non-negotiable, and key to determining a woman's suitability. Also one of the keys toward keeping your woman happy is having a "big boat" and the author is more than happy to tell you often that he is a member of the big boat club - lol! But other than these and a few other annoyances, it's a nice easy read and has refreshing ideas about being masculine in a society that no longer values or teaches masculinity. He also emphasizes his dom nature and fondness for sub women, which resonated with me. It's a nicely done description of that dynamic which is often forgotten in today's society; that many women like being submissive in matters of sex and love.”
— --D. Weisbord, Portland Oregon from the Amazon.com website
[re: Chinese version] “I just spent a whole day and read it! I think some part is interesting, for example, you like beautiful small feet, and how second toe is longer than the first toe, which means this woman is more aggressive. I agree with you, because I just found out my second toe is longer than the first toe! I thought about my "type" because of your book, I think I am D type, and want to be 51% in a relationship. I think for most people, however, some of your mind is too crossing the line, and sometimes can make people uncomfortable. You can agree that, people want different things, you think the most important thing is get yourself free, but most of other people don’t. There are absolutely some people, who like to take care of children, who want to enjoy cooking for his wife, it is not also for commitment, but also for fun and happiness.”
— Nicole in Beijing
Who this book is really for
Once I started sharing this book to get their feedback, my friends and lovers asked me, "Who's your audience?" Despite the title, this book is for men and women. I should be clear, however, that these ideas are not for everybody. They are for a certain type of man who wants a certain type of woman. Here's how to tell if you might really need to read it:
1. If you're a man in search of a girlfriend, but don't feel comfortable with learning pick up lines or using internet dating sites; or, if you keep meeting women who just want to be friends, or who just don't "do it" for you, then you might really need to read this book.
2. If you're a man who feels a little less than man now in your relationship with your girlfriend/spouse than when the relationship started, but can't quite figure out when and how you lost that lovin' manly feeling, then you really need to read this book to help keep the male-female dynamic alive in your next relationship. Yes, by that I mean it may already be too late to save this one, and I'll tell you why in Chapter 7.
3. If you're a man who gets pleasure from giving pleasure to your woman, and you want a woman who fits your definition of "feminine" without feeling like your only choices are to be a brainless caveman, an insensitive jerk, a misogynistic bad boy, or a callous Don Juan to get what you want, then you might discover some new options in this book.
4. If you're a woman and you rolled your eyes in offense at the sheer arrogance of the title, and are threatened by the idea of a man with a functioning set of gonads and criteria he uses to decide whether or not to allow someone into his life, then you really need to read this book!
5. Whether man or woman, if, despite what you feel are your best efforts to make it otherwise, you just can't seem to keep a relationship lasting the length of time you'd like it to last, then this book that might really be of value to you!
6. As a man or woman, if you want to discover some overlooked elements of masculinity, femininity and sex most relationship gurus overlook, or purposely avoid, and finally understand why most of their advice will never apply to you or solve the real issue that keeps coming up in your love life, then you really need to read this book.
7. Finally, whoever you are, even if things seem to be going quite well, and getting better every day in your brand new relationship, there may be aspects of your interaction with each other that, while they may not seem important now, may be laying the groundwork for trouble ahead.
In other words, whether you're a man or woman, if you're not happy with your love life the way it is, and if it makes sense to revisit, reevaluate, and ultimately change what you believe about love—what love is, why you love, who you love, how you love, and even where you love—then this book was actually really written just for you! (Yes, I'll be covering a bit more than simply how to satisfy a woman!)
What this book will offer you
I'd like to think of us as friends, okay? Great!
Well, as my friend, this book is really just a conversation between the two of us. I'm going to share the things I'd share with you—whether male or female—if we were just hanging out at my place, or on the sidewalk doing some people-watching. Nothing is off limits. You can ask me absolutely anything, and be warned, I tend to bring up anything. My friends and I talk about everything—under-arm odor, sex, bowel movements, kinks, fetishes, anything!
As my friend, I'll give you my opinion, make you laugh, share the books I've read, websites I've visited, talk about people I know (yep, gossip), plus experiences and realizations I've come to that have shaped my life.
However, if we were actually engaged in a face-to-face conversation, the difference is that there would be an exchange of information and opinion, and I would—as I do with all my friends, if they want it—offer some suggestions tailor-made to what I intuit or know to be your own interests, lifestyle, hopes and fears to help you find what works for you. I'm not out to convert you to my way of being, but if you ask me, I'll always share what I know, so that others may grow.
Unfortunately, since we don't have the privilege of such an exchange, I'll simply share with you what works for me and other people I know, try to anticipate some of what you might be thinking and feeling, and sprinkle in a few "here's what I would do" suggestions, and hope they help.
The other thing this book will offer is insight into my belief system. A belief system is vital to just about everything in life. If you believe the world is flat, you won't venture too far off the coast of land. If you believe people are basically evil—rather than good—you'll never develop trust or a feeling of safety in your relationships. The reason Tiger Woods can do the things he does (um, on the golf course), is because of the belief system he has about himself, about others, about the world, and about his place in it. So, this book will offer glimpses into the way I see myself, the way I see the world and my place in it, that affect the lifestyle I am bold enough to venture out to achieve.
Perhaps the greatest thing you'll get from this book is that if you've had any of the same thoughts and opinions I've had, but have been cautious about sharing them out loud, then you might simply find someone you can relate to!
At the same time, perhaps my girlfriend was right. Maybe people aren't really talking about things in this way. If so, that would be great! If you have conversations like these with your significant other, I think, at the very least, they will bring the two of you closer together. These are discussions people should be having in their relationships. I believe you'll experience a new level of freedom just by bringing them up for discussion. And, honestly, nothing would please me more than to give you something to think and talk about that helps create freedom! That's what friends are for.
Oh, and by the way, speaking of friends, one of my other friends—a guy in Taiwan, you don't know him—mentioned that although my book addresses a different set of concerns, he liked the sales pitch of a certain Pick Up Artist (PUA) website he knew about. That reference gave me an idea to create my own unique sales pitch to distinguish my book from other books out there in what people might think is a related category.
What happens when you give a man a fish?
Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.
Reveal to a man that he's actually the owner of a
five-star restaurant with an unlimited international menu...
...and he'll stop settling for freakin' fish."
ANSWER: Having a clear sense of who you are and what it means to be a man.
StandardsAnd speaking of standards, as I was writing this introduction, I received a quote from a self-help resource (tut.com) that read:
weren't dreams at all, but standards
that simply weren't compromised."
12 provocative things you'll learn by reading Masculinity 2.0
No feminists were harmed in the making of this book
.....then one of us is unnecessary." — Me (and people like me)
Who is Dexter Style?
A new vocabularyThe book, Masculinity 2.0 , has added a few new words and phrases to the dialogue about relationships:
The Big Boat Club (BBC)
and other lies women tell men with small boats!"
"There's nothing inherently wrong with being submissive. In fact, many satisfying relationships have been built based on both partner's acceptance of and indulgence in their innate sexual wiring and orientation. There's no better partner for a DOMinant man than a subMISSIVE woman!" I can have whoever I want as a girlfriend. I decide that, not you." I embrace my dominance!
"Surely you're not implying that being poor makes a woman less feminine, less loving, or less worthy to be my girlfriend. So, perhaps you're implying that by her being poor (and there are many countries in which "they" are richer than we are), that my money is what is appealing to her. Well, the truth is, that's fine. In a capitalistic society, money represents my ability to care for and protect my woman; my ability to be the knight in shining armor and slay the dragon of poverty. Imagine being able to live my entire life as the fulfillment of my girl's fantasy and MINE TOO all at the same time just by being born in "first world" country! Where do I sign up?!!" I want to be a damsel's knight!
"Fortunately, I haven't been misled or bamboozled by that concept of "home country." A home country is nothing more than an accident of birth. I didn't consciously choose to be born here. [As I say in the book: "...just because you were born within the borders of a particular country, does not mean you are suited, wired, best served, destined or obligated to seek and find dating and mating bliss in that country." ] I live in a world without these arbitrary borders.
So, when confronted by that original sentiment when discussing being happier abroad, I suggest you practice this response: